Episode 10, finally! I’m just happy that I got here. And here’s to 10 more episodes. Baby steps.
I got this idea, I think either during my Bible study or from a book I read, that you should be careful about the kind of personality you project, as you could be sending the wrong message without even knowing it.
That made me think about my podcast and the episodes so far, and I realized that I’ve talked about men being overly sexual in my conversations with them.
I thought about not adding the story I included in this episode, but I voted against that decision because, at the end of the day, this is the reality that many women face online.
So yeah, I hope you enjoy the episode. And until next time, see ya!
Reaching episode 10 makes me genuinely happy, and this episode gave me a chance to talk about something I have noticed in my own life. I started thinking about how our ideas of right and wrong can sometimes come from the way society has conditioned us.
I also shared an uncomfortable experience with a man I met online who contacted me after almost a year and sent me unsolicited sexual content. It made me think about why some people behave this way online and why women are often judged more harshly when situations like this happen.
I also talked about my decision to create something new every week. My first project was a scramble game that I created with the help of AI. It was simple, but I was genuinely proud of myself for making it.
I got into a conversation with someone I was almost a decade older than and I just couldn’t continue. I am Nessa Hagoz, this is Bathroom Musings episode 10. Who they checking, who’s checking in the building? Your girl is now officially one of the people who at least got her episode, her podcast episode 10.
I am so happy, thanks to all of you who listen and who continue to listen. You guys are the best. I was talking with someone on the language exchange app.
It’s the same language exchange app I talked about in episode one. We got talking, he’s from Egypt and the conversation was flowing well. He was smart, kind and funny.
We really vibed well. He could speak Arabic also and I was like, okay maybe I should even start learning Arabic. Towards the end of the conversation, he asked for my number and he was like, I’d like for us to talk more outside the app, nothing, it’s just for us to practise our Spanish together and then I could teach a little bit of Arabic also.
And I didn’t have an issue with it, so I said, okay that’s cool, you give me your number and I’ll be the one to text you. He said, okay. After the conversation, I went to get ready for bed.
As I was brushing my teeth, I started thinking about it. I was like, I am almost a decade older than this guy and he’s in his early 20s. I was like, I don’t know, I just don’t feel comfortable talking with him outside the supervision of the app.
And I was like, I feel like the dynamics in the relationship, that’s the platonic relationship, would be one-sided. I felt like I’d have the upper hand and I felt like, even if I wouldn’t, but I’d unintentionally be manipulative in a way. You guys, I don’t know where all these thoughts are coming from because I am naturally not a manipulative person.
I am very fair. I could say that I’m pretty fair. I let other people shine.
And I’m not trying to blow my horn here, you can ask anyone who knows me. So I don’t know where these thoughts are coming from. And it almost felt like, like, I think I was just, I don’t want to use, I think I was over, it was, I was just being overly cautious because whatever I want to say, I’m way older than this guy.
I am more mature. I know more, but I don’t know why I was just thinking that negative way. And I said something to myself, men marry women that are 10 years older than 12, 15, and it’s not a big deal.
So why is it an issue for me to have a conversation out, like a conversation with someone who is an adult, when we haven’t, when what we’re talking about is just ordinary Spanish and then Arabic, that’s just it. But I just couldn’t shake that feeling. Like, I just felt like this person is too young for me to have a conversation, like for me to be talking with.
I don’t know why I felt that way. Sincerely, because my, my youngest sister is this guy’s age mate. And I talk with my, my, we talk, we laugh, we joke, we play together with each other.
So like, I’m like, so what’s the big deal? I don’t know. So I stay journaling. And as I journaled, something came up and it was like, well, if you feel it’s wrong, maybe it’s wrong.
That’s rubbish. But I’ll talk about that later. Sadly, I ended up not calling this guy, I didn’t text.
I just left. I was like, let me just let this go. Okay, I’ll find another partner.
I went, I joined the 75 hard for language learning. And I joined a discord group. I introduced myself and some people reached out to me.
So I got one speaking partner that is 23. I was like, okay. It’s okay.
And we did a little bit of Spanish also. This thing about if it, if you feel it’s wrong, then maybe it is. Sometimes it’s rubbish, because that feeling of wrongness could be as a result of societal conditioning.
You don’t want to know the things that were okay in the past that are currently apart, apart from slavery that we all know. I’m talking about like, everyday things like people shaving the right side, well like one side of their skin, and leaving the other side unshaved. Or people just doing some very weird stuff.
Those things were normal then. Those things were good. But now it just doesn’t make any sense, because we, we are wiser and we know better.
So society is so fickle. You can’t base your moral compass on what society says is wrong, or what they say is right. Because society’s rightness or wrongness is ever changing.
Like the weather’s, the weather, the weather’s um, quality of change, although the weather changing has nothing on the way that society’s moral whatever changes. And that’s why faith is important. My relationship with Jesus is grounded in the fact that I know that he is unchanging.
And what he said was wrong, is wrong today, and will always be wrong. What he says is right, is right, and will always be right. That’s the importance of faith in this fickle world.
Talking about what is right or what is wrong. Before we go on you guys, I am currently editing my, my first novel called My Red Dreams Turned Fiction. I’m thinking of changing that name, but still editing.
And I’ll talk about the editing process someday. You can pre-order in the link in description box. I am enjoying the story.
I’m not going to say I’m enjoying editing, but I feel this sense of accomplishment whenever I’m done with a day of editing. And I hope, and I know you will enjoy the story when it’s finally published too. Do well to get your pre-orders done in description box below.
shop.nessahagos.com That’s S-H-O-P Sierra Hotel Oscar Papa dot Nessahagos dot com. Back to the episode. Some people don’t know what’s wrong, I think.
Let me explain. Remember the guy I talked about in episode 6, I think, where I talked about someone, someone I met on X? Well, last month, I was just on my own, JJ, when I got a video call from X. I was like, I’ve never, I’ve never done any video call with anybody on X. So I was like, where is this rubbish coming from? I don’t understand. I checked, lo and behold, it was this, it was this fool.
So I, I ended, I like, I ended the call. I went on X and I sent him a question mark. I, I even checked my conversation with this, with this less, less than human.
And it was almost a year since we last talked to each other. And when I say like, it’s not like we chatted like back, it’s not like we were like buddy buddy or anything like that. Just listen to the episode, episode 6 and you’ll understand how stupid this guy was.
So I sent him a question mark, like to understand where this rubbish is coming from. And he was like, he sent me an image. Oh my goodness, you guys, I’m not gonna, I’m not even going to like talk about how stupid the image was.
My sister was at home. I showed my, my sister the picture and she was like, geez, if you can’t decipher one, what kind of picture he sent, then you shouldn’t be on the internet. You should go on to your social studies assignment.
I’ll be going, I’ll be going if I call your mommy. So I, so I, I then said, is this the reason you called me? Is this really like you did the video call thingy? And he was like, yes, I am. How do I say this? He was like, yes, I am.
H A R D. Oh my goodness. So I would just show my, my younger sister the chat and she then mistakenly liked the picture. I couldn’t like blame her anything.
So I just removed the like, then he was like, wow, the fact that you liked the picture, just I am currently with my toy now. I’m this, I’m that, I’m that. And he was just sending messages back to back to back to back.
Are you there? I was, I didn’t want to like get pissed at my sister because I know like, she didn’t do it on purpose. Like she was just trying to like, maybe go through the chat and she mistakenly, cause I do that. When she was asking me like, who is this fool? I now do that, just read, go through the chat, read her chat.
So I think maybe that’s what she was doing and she mistakenly liked what he sent. So I didn’t want to like, start blaming her or anything like that. Then I said, I wanted to insult him, but then she said, I shouldn’t.
She was like, some people get off. Like what gets them off is someone insulting them. I was like, Ooh, okay.
I didn’t really think it was a thing, thing, thing like that you get. So I was like, okay, well, I will insult him. So I simply sent, I don’t want to insult you.
Although you deserve it if I actually insult you, but don’t ever send me sexual content again. I’ve never asked for it and I will never ask for it. And that’s all I sent.
He read it of course. And thankfully didn’t reply. You can’t believe that this guy was even put all those stupid things he was sending about the toy, about being hard and all that stuff.
He was putting it on, like he was, he’ll put on the timer for five minutes and I put it off. I put up the timer. I said, in my mind, I’m like, so you actually know that what you’re doing is wrong.
That’s why you’re putting a timer on this chat. Because if you’re proud of your stupidity, then you shouldn’t put a timer. And let me just, let me just go on this rant.
You see people who put timers on their chats. I don’t trust them. If I’m chatting with you and they put a timer on, I distrust you because like, what are you trying to hide? I don’t understand.
Listen, second people, people who, whose read, um, read receipt is turned off. I don’t trust you. What are you running away from? My, my only to the point that my last scene is on.
Like you can tell the last time I came on any social, like I don’t put it off because it’s not my, it donconcern me. If I don’t want to talk to you, I will not talk to you. If I’ve read your message, I don’t want to reply.
I will not reply. You will not do anything about it. I, I genuinely see people who do stuff like that, like put off their read receipt or people who turn on disappearing messages.
I see them as cowards. Yeah, I do. And I see them as people who can’t be trusted.
The people, the worst people who turn off their, like when they view your status, you won’t know if you did. Oh jeez, God, I’m in primary school. Like, is this primary one? I don’t understand.
I know the worst part is that sometimes they’re so stupid that they would then reply to your status. So like, what’s the use of hiding, hiding when you’re still going to reply to my status and I was telling her you viewed it. Oh, thanks.
Some, some very shitty, some very shitty things people don’t, it’s just, look, if you look at it, you’re like, what’s the, so, well, some back to the story. Some weeks later, I started thinking about, I started thinking about this whole incident and I was like, well, why would this guy call me? Like, why would he call, video call first, then start sending me those stupid things when we’ve not spoken in a whole year. And you know that I don’t play, I don’t play like that.
I don’t roll that way. I’ve never given you any, I’ve never given you any reason to feel, to think that I act that way. You can listen to the episode and you understand better.
So like, why? Yeah, I know my sister said people, some people like get off from you, insults, and it was like, I was like, no, it just didn’t sit well with me. Then an idea popped into my mind, and I’m not truly sure if this is correct because I’m not in the, I’m not in the, I’m not in the fool’s mind, but I think I’d go with this. I made a content on X and she was talking to me about this group of guys, they call them banger guys, banger boys, I think.
And they, what they do is that they want to blow on X by all means, and they want to make money on X. So sometimes they’d date girls on X, and then maybe post the girl’s nudes, or post chats, their chats with the girl, maybe the girl begging them to love, to love her, you know, just stuff that’ll get people talking, and then will make them much money. And she was telling me about those guys, and I thought to myself, I feel this is what this guy wants to do, because he’s an upcoming artist, and I was thinking, some people feel like there’s nothing like bad publicity, so maybe he was like, okay, let me see if I can maybe chat with someone, get them to like talk dirty with me, and then expose the chat, right? Yeah, he was, he was, he put like five minutes time on the chat, but he could easily just screenshot, even if the timer was on, or he can maybe recall it with another phone. And I was thinking about it, and I could be wrong, I could just be really stretching, but I was thinking about it, and I said, society, like I really blame people, or whoever we call society, I blame them for behave like this type of nonsense, because we live in a world where when a guy maybe posts a girl’s nudes, or he posts like a sex video, and he’s in the video also, right? His privates are showing, the girl’s privates are showing, or he posts his chats with a girl, where the girl is begging him to love her, all of that stuff.
We live in a society where the girl is demonised, she is, she is bullied, she is mocked, like you don’t even want to be in that girl’s shoes, but then the guy is, yeah, he’s villainized, but like in a, in a, in a cute, in a cute, sexy, almost macho way, the hate doesn’t really burn him as much as it does the girl, and that’s why people like the so-called banger boys, that’s why they’ll continue doing stuff like that, because they know that people would engage with content like that. We can do better. I’m not even saying you should tell the person who is posting stuff like that, you are very wicked, you’re still giving them attention, just report, block, move on, report, block, whenever I have, whenever I block, I always report, so just report, block, and move on, so they will know that.
I don’t know, am I, is this wishful thinking? I just wish we could do better, you know, I really do wish we could do better. Yeah, so you guys, I decided to start creating something new every new week. Of course, I’m currently writing my second book, but I, I wanted something that I could just do in a week, and I’d be done with it, so I decided to make a game, yay! I made a scram, a scramble game, uh, it has three levels, easy, hard, difficult, or is it easy, medium, difficult? I can’t remember like, I played it, and I enjoyed playing it, I even like, have like, sounds for when I, like, if I get it, there’s a sound, if I don’t get it, there’s that sound, like, it’s just enjoyable, and I’m happy I created the game.
Of course, I used AI to, like, create it, but I deployed it and did every other thing myself, so the game currently lives on my browser, on my local browser, but it’s really, like, I, I’m so happy about it. So every week, I’m going to create one new thing, I don’t know what I’m going to create for this new week, it could be a song, a poem, a rap, I don’t know, but a rap song, I don’t know, but like, I’m going to do something new, so what new thing are you going to be creating? What are you currently doing? Let me know. I really want to thank you for staying with me.
Please, can you rate this show on your listening platform of choice, and please give me five stars if you think it’s worth it. Don’t forget to check out my shop, it’s shop.nessahagos.com Thanks for listening, and until next time, see ya!