I made a mistake in the previous episode’s show notes. In the post for Episode 2, I accidentally took an event that happened during the recording of this episode and attached it to that one instead.
The part where I mentioned that my sister said she almost lost her life actually happened during the recording of Episode 3, not Episode 2. Because of that mix-up, there will be no separate behind-the-scenes notes for this episode.
As usual, you’ll find the transcript of the podcast below. If you wish, you can also listen to the episode below.
And until next time, see ya.
I survived a near-fatal crash on the highway when another driver suddenly headed straight for us, forcing my dad to drive into the bush. When we confronted the man, his excuse about brake failure turned out to be a complete lie. It hit me later that he was trying to end his life by intentionally targeting a larger, privately owned car so his family wouldn’t face community backlash or lose out on financial compensation. It made me deeply angry, and it raised a tough question: when you are trapped in your own immense pain, can you genuinely empathize with the trauma you are about to inflict on completely innocent strangers?
On a lighter note, I also look back at how life balances out integrity and relief. I share a memory about finding a bundle of cash when my roommate and I were completely broke, but choosing to leave it with someone who could return it to the owner. Years later, after surviving a literal electric shock from a malfunctioning ATM and dropping my last bit of money through a hole in my pocket, the universe brought that exact cash back to me in the dark.
Finally, I talk about sharing my personal struggles with OCD in my short e-book, OCD: The Lies We Believe, which is available on Amazon. I also share the chaotic and stressful process of trying to learn and record a mobile phone cover of Stromae’s “Papaoutai” using BandLab.
I don’t support anyone unaliving themselves, neither do I support you wanting to go down and deciding to take innocent people with you.
Okay, I am Nessa Hagoz and this is Bathroom Musings episode 3, alonze on yuva.
I travelled with my parents to go see someone and on our way back we had two extra passengers so we were five in the vehicle.
As we were cruising smoothly on the highway, all of a sudden my dad left the road full speed and drove into the bush.
I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was shouting blood of Jesus, blood of Jesus. I was so scared.
I imagined things getting worse from there but thank God that’s not what happened as my dad hit a ditch and stopped the car.
My parents and the two passengers at the back with me alighted from the vehicle.
Very furious, I went to confront the driver of the other car.
Turned out the driver was a young man, hill and hardsy, not high, not drunk.
My uncle was puzzled and asked what happened and he said his brakes failed.
So my uncle said match those brakes and he did and they were working perfectly and my uncle said do it again.
He repeated it and they were still working perfectly.
Then my uncle asked even more confused now, “So what exactly happened? Because your brakes are working perfectly.”
This man couldn’t say anything.
Then he started begging. He was like I’m sorry and all of that stuff.
My dad was like it’s okay. At least no one died.
That was more important.
Thankfully there were people around and they brought planks and all of that stuff and put it underneath the tyres and helped my dad drive out of the bush, out of the ditch and we went on our merry way.
People were saying that the man was lucky that the accident didn’t happen because he would have been the one to go and not us as our car was way bigger than his own.
So while I was praising God and worshipping him for that miracle and for the terrible thing he saved us from, it dawned on me that that man wanted to take his life but he didn’t want it to look like that’s what he was doing.
So he wanted it to look like it was an accident.
Why?
Well this is what happened.
As we were driving, this man left his own lane and came for us like full speed coming towards our car.
The minute my dad saw what was happening and moved out of the road into the bush, the man stopped his car.
So this was a calculated thing he did.
I was playing this in my mind and I was thinking to myself, maybe what he would say is this, let me look for the bigger car that would knock me out straight.
You would ask why didn’t he go for a truck?
Well in my country, trucks are owned by companies.
So it’s the company that will take care of whatever happens and they could investigate and realise that okay this person did this intentionally and they wouldn’t pay a dime.
So he decided to go for a bigger car that belonged to an individual not a company.
Why make it look like an accident?
Well where I come from, if you take your own life, it’s seen as a negative thing not just for you but for your family and it could make your family ostracised from the community.
So I have this conviction that he wanted it to look like an accident.
And as I was thinking of this I was really pissed off and I’m like, I don’t know what you’re going through. I empathise with you but did you think of the pain that your actions would cause these people?
They’d leave the rest of their lives thinking that they killed someone.
They’d always believe that it was their fault.
They have to go to the police.
The story would go around that all these people are not alive.
Did you even think of this?
No, because you were so consumed by your own pain.
And not to be harsh, I’m not trying to be harsh towards this man because unfortunately and sadly I’ve been there.
So the question really is, when you are in pain can you really empathise with other people?
Does it take a level of God’s grace, a level of empathy, to empathise with another person when you are deep in your own pain?
And on the lighter notes, but still on the topic of pain and empathy, I was walking back then in uni with my roommate and we were both hungry and broke.
As we were walking I saw something on the ground.
I walked towards it and yeah, voila, it was a bundle of cash.
So I picked it and my roommate was so excited thinking that we’ve gotten lunch money.
But I shocked her by looking for a way to return the money to the owner.
I stood for a bit and I didn’t see the person.
I didn’t see anyone looking for anything.
So she was like, let’s just go, let’s just go, we’ve gotten money.
And I said, I won’t do it, I will never try it.
So I walked towards a small building and I asked the guy there if he was the permanent occupant of that place and he said yes.
So I gave him the cash and I said, listen, this was dropped, if the person asks, please just give it to the person, okay?
And the guy said he would.
My roommate didn’t let me hear the last of it.
She was like, okay, so we’re hungry, we saw money and then you give it away?
And I said, I don’t care, I’ve done the right thing.
So I went to withdraw money one day and before I go with the story, I want to ask, has an ATM ever shocked you?
Well, an ATM has shocked me.
I think it rained that day, it was at night.
I went to withdraw money, I put my card in and went to press the button.
As I pressed the button, it shocked me.
I quickly took back my hand and I was like, it can’t be what I think it is.
So I tried again and it shocked me again and I was devastated.
I was like, what do I do now?
So I stood there frowning, looking at the ATM, thinking of how to get my card out.
So I had this brilliant idea.
I took off one leg of my slippers and I started jabbing the buttons to terminate the transaction.
Finally, my card came out and I took it, wore my slippers and fled that bank.
I was thinking to myself, thank God no one walked in on me here jabbing an ATM with my slippers.
But back to my story.
So I went to withdraw money and as I was done, I went to go buy something.
As I was about to pay, I put my hand into my pocket and I couldn’t find my money.
I was like, it’s not possible, like how?
So I patted the other pocket and it wasn’t there also.
So I put my hand back in the original pocket because that’s where the ATM card was.
And when I put my hand, I noticed there was a hole there because I was wearing a jean capri.
So I think the money fell from there.
I was like, gosh God, I beg you, please protect my money.
This was after eight in the evening, everywhere was dark.
I hurriedly dropped the things I bought.
I told the lady, I was like, I’m coming back.
And I started retracing my steps.
I was like, God, please, I beg you.
Then I was walking and I saw something on the floor close to a flower bed.
As I went closer, it was my money.
I was like, Jesus.
I prayed this huge sigh of relief.
I was like, God, thank you, thank you Jesus.
So I picked the money and went back and bought everything.
And I don’t know if the incident where I returned the person’s money and this particular one have anything in common, but yeah.
Before I continue, you guys, I have a book.
It’s a short ebook on Amazon and it’s 36 pages.
It’s called OCD, the lies we believe, and it’s my uncensored experience talking about dealing with OCD.
It’s for those who are currently struggling with OCD, those who don’t even know what it is, those who have family or friends who have OCD and just want to understand what this is all about.
It’s short. You can finish it in 30 to 45 minutes.
You can find it on Amazon.
I’d prefer if you buy from Amazon and get the book. Gracias.
So I end this episode with my adventure for February and I started to learn how to sing Papaoutai by Stromae.
It was stressful. I can’t even lie.
I learned the first verse and the chorus, so I recorded it.
It’s not perfect.
I’m not a producer and I just use my phone and BandLab and instrumentals, so manage.
If you want to know what I went through recording that, learning it first and then recording, I’ll leave a link to the blog I wrote about it.
You can go check it out.
Please feel free to drop a comment and share this episode with your friends.
And if you’re going through any pain, I’m truly, truly sorry and I pray that God will give you the strength and the grace to come out of it and His peace that passes all understanding will be with you.
I deeply from the depths of my heart wish you relief and a happier life.
Until next time, see ya.